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2006-02-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

Merry Muthafuckin X mas

2005-12-28T16:09:00.000+08:00

Pulau Huntu Besar

2005-11-01T01:30:00.000+08:00

Imagine yourself stranded alone on an Island.
That's what happened to me.

Well, not exactly stranded. And not exactly alone. But I was on an Island.

We took a thrilling boat from Singapore Yatch Club to Pulau Huntu. The very mention on the name scares me. Pulau = "Island". Huntu = "Ghost". GHOST ISLAND!

We reached around 5pm. There were a total of 5 boats docked at the shores of the island. All of them are seasoned fishermen or fish traders. I later heard that they have a custom of coming to stay overnight at this island once every year.

One of the fishermen had a damn shitty nickname. They call him "Kao Sai" or Dog Shit. Man he must stink a lot.

On this island, there is nothing except a toilet, a few shelters, and trees. Trees and trees.

"Shit man!" I thought to myself. "What am I going to do on this barren island?"

Well... Nothing much to do... So after I pitched my tent I went fishing straight.

So lucky! Within 5 mins of casting my bait, I got one already! Damn big one! 10cm long! After that it was an hour of fruitless waiting. Sianz...

Dinner time. So we went back to the shelters to BBQ some food. I stood there stunned upon arrival.

FUCK! The whole island turned into a gambling den! All the uncles are sitting down neatly at the square tables and playing "Zup Sar Ki!" (Thirteen Pairs)

What's more they even brought their chairs, tables, refreshments. Even a diesal generator to power the fluorescent lights! Damn, where did they hide all these just now?

Dinner was good. BBQed the fish I caught. But I don't dare to eat it. Looks scary.

After dinner, all hope was lost! We are going to be stranded on this island forever! Our only hope of survial was create a big fire and sent out smoke signals for passing ships to see and rescue us! We got to act fast! There is a big ship heading across the island.

We gathered all the dry twigs, leaves, coconut husks that we can find. Piled them up together and set them ablaze. The fire was big. Hot!

But to our dismay, the ship continued it's journey without stopping. We were left to rot for all enternity! Doomsday is near!

Then it struck me. We can still take our boats back to the jetty. We can still swim a distance of 50 meters, and reach Singapore. Heck we can still call using our handphones.

The things we come up with to play with fire... haha

Back to normal island life. That is....GAMBLING!

We stayed in the tent and gambled the whole night through. The cool sea breeze made it very enjoyable. Finally slept at 8am.

9am. Woke up. Feels funny to wake up on an island. Washed face and fished for a while before finally leaving at 11am. Damn fun.

I don't think they should call it "Pulau Huntu". They should call it "Pulau Fun Gambling Fishing".

Hellriding on the Highway to Hell

2005-09-23T14:30:00.000+08:00

Ever since my last motorbike accident, I always have been a safety rider. Always taking my time with corners, slowing down at traffic lights.

Heck, I should get a safety riding award. If there is one.

Except on one recent night.

I was home playing my X-Box. Suddenly my handphone rang. It was my mom. I answered the call and expected my mom to be nagging me yet again. But there was silence.

In the background of the call, I could hear loud noises of the TV. So clear that I could even hear what the TV was broadcasting. Channel 58, TTBS.

“Hello…?”

“Hello…?”

“Hello… Mom?”

My mom just played a prank call on me.
Ok.
Back to blasting off alien monster.

Then yet another call.

“Hello…?”

After this second call, I felt something is amiss, so I called her back. She answered.
Same thing, only the background sounds of the TV can be heard loudly, but no Mommy’s voice.

In my head at that time, I keep visualizing that my Mom was collapsed on the floor, hands reaching out to answer the phone. She’s trying to talk but for some reason she don’t have enough strength to project her voice. She is trying to call me for help. But can’t even scream for help.

That was enough for me to throw my controller on the floor, grab my bike keys and rush out to my bike. I was still wearing my SAF shorts and singlet. Looked damn funny.

Reached my bike, and away we go.

This is the first time that I’m riding my bike so dangerously. If any police saw me, I surely will get my license revoked. I had broke almost all the rules of the road that my instructor told me not to.

First traffic light, RED.
Sped pass it.

Second traffic light, Green.
Lucky me.

Third traffic light, RED.
Sped thru it while horning at the same time. To prevent cars from hitting me, of course.

After that, I lost track of how many Red light I violated. Think my average speed was around 110km/h, even thou legally its only 50km/h.

Funny thing is, one guy thought I wanted to race with him, and even followed me for the whole stretch of YCK Rd.

What? Never see people hellride before?
Monkey see monkey do izzt?

That guy was tailgating me on a minor road, even thou I was already way over the legal speed limit.

Eventually I shook him off when I “Chiong” a Red light at a major cross-junction. Guess he didn’t want to follow me to hell.

Incredibly, I only took 5mins for a normally 15mins ride to my Mom’s place.

Didn’t bother to take off my helmet, just rushed up to my mom’s place.

There I saw her lying on the chair. Thought she fainted. So I hastily open the door and rushed in.

Suddenly she woke up. Blur faced. Asked me what happened. She seems like nothing had happened at all.

I told her about the calling incident. How she called me and never said a single word. I thought that she was in trouble.

Mom: “Orhhh… Just now I call you, but cannot hear you at all leh. Tried to answer your call also cannot hear anything.”
Me: “ You sure? I can hear the TV sounds very clearly leh. I shouted so loudly also never heard a reply.”
Mom: “Dunno leh, you take a look at my phone loh. I think its spoilt.”

I picked up her handphone, which she was still charging. Tried to call to her phone, and it did ring and everything. But when I answered, I could not hear myself in the phone at all.

Very puzzled, I continued to examine the phone closely. Then I spotted something strange.

She had plugged her earpiece in! And the earpiece receiver was hanging on the floor!

All the while she was trying to talk to me using the handphone set!

Me: “Your earpiece is plugged in lah! How can you use your handphone like that!?”
Mom: “Orrhh.. No wonder, so it never spoil lah?”
Mom: “I just want to tell you that I bought new shampoo. Its in your toilet floor, remember to use ah~”

I just risked my life hellriding, for a bottle of shampoo.

What are Friends For?

2005-09-20T01:00:00.000+08:00

I just saw my childhood sweetheart’s blog about friends. It was so sad. But I can’t help but feel it’s so real. Because I’m facing the same thing.

Friends drifting apart is a common thing I guess, because sometimes it’s just too hard to maintain the relationship that you once had with another person. Especially if the other person has already let you go.

Don’t feel sad childhood sweetheart, cheer up. It happens to everyone. The more important someone is to you, the more you find it harder to let go. But soon the difficult times will pass. Try to stay happy :)

Have been feeling very depressed recently. Maybe because of my recent breakup. What does not kill you, only makes you stronger. Guess it’s true. Thanks to all the shit I went through last time, I’m a stronger person. I will not let myself fall into depression again. I feel like an ironman now haha.

Well, speaking of friends, it brings back some old memories.

When I was 15, I was working with my best friend at MOS Burger. Everynight, after closing, we would “ta bao” some food and eat it while walking home.

Boys and girls, meet…

My friend got his “Ostrich Boy” nickname from me. Let me tell you why.

August 15th, 1997.
True Story.
We were both working same shifts. As usual. We were like two peas in a pod. Like disco and techno. Ah Bengs and sharp combs.

Everywhere we go, people want to know. Who we are, where we come from. So we tell them. We are from MOS Burger. Yummy Yummy MOS Burger.

Don’t laugh. Not funny. We actually sang that while marching home.
So on this very night, while walking home, we bumped into some unexpected people.

Three boys, about our age, stopped us.
The Three Musketeers: “Eh, you ‘chup’ where one?”
Me: “We ‘Pei Pan’ one.”
Three Musketeers: “Can borrow me money anot?”

OMG! This is the first time I’m being extorted for money!

Me: “Sorry no money.”
Three Musketeers: “Eh I dun believe la. Show me your wallet first.”
Me: “Really dun have la…”
Three Musketeers: “Dun keh siao, faster show. Your other friend also show!”

Die Die Die… start to violent.
I took out my wallet and show them. Really no money. Lucky I’m a poor boy.

Ostrich Boy to Me: “Eh, I got $10 in my wallet leh, how? Tomorrow I want to use this money and buy game one.”
Me: “Dun worry, we act blur can liao. Die die dun show your wallet.”
3 Musketeers: “You better take out hor, we talk real one.”
They take out their combs with sharp pointy ends and show us.
3 Musketeers: “We got people behind the bushes over there. If I drop this comb, they will come running out. You better dun force me to do it.”
I looked over at the bushes, see nothing. Maybe the “people” they were referring to, are rats.
Me: “.....”
3 Musketeers: “Eh! Your friend ran away!”
Sure enough, I looked back, and saw Ostrich Boy breaking the Olympian track record.
Me: “Wah!... He sure can run!”
3 Musketeers: “Yeah... Faster then an Ostrich!”

I had to hold back my laughter as that was a serious situation.

Just recently ago, I got 4 Gold Medals for sports day. 100m, 200m, High Jump, Long Jump.
I also want to run too. Sure can outrun them. I can run like African man, thus my nickname.
Perhaps it was pride holding me back. I want to prove that MOS Burger people are not pussies.
But then, my best friend has already abandoned me to handle 3 of them myself.

Me: “K...I got to go back liao...”
3 Musketeers: "Eh where you going? You got atm card rite? Go and draw for us la!"

Maybe because I felt so betrayed by my best friend, I snapped.

Me: "Kanninabuchaocheebyemotherfucker! You want money you go and earn! Fuck off!"

I turned around and started walking in the direction of my home. Totally ignoring what was happening behind me. But sounds of footsteps never left my side.

When I reached somewhere near my housing estate, one of them shouted out to me.

"Ooi! ATM machine not there la!"

Suddenly one of them grabbed me by the shoulder.
That's it.

Before I can realise it, I was practicing my Jacky Chan moves on the 3 evil henchmen.

1st Evil Henchmen: "Flying Dragon Kick ~!"
2nd Evil Henchmen: "Tiger Fist ~!"
3rd Evil Henchmen: "Praying Mantis Style ~!"
Me: "Drunken Master's Sleepy Fists ~!"

Guess who won?
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Not telling you.

A Drunk calling a Drunk, Drunk

2005-09-11T03:40:00.000+08:00

Wah lua just now drink abit of alcohol and my friends all call me drunk! All dun let me go home! Though I really got high just now, but I'm still sober, can talk can cock can sing majong.

Ask my super drunk friend to take care of me.But he vomit until I see already also wanna vomit. But must still tahan it and give a few pats on his back. Ask a drunk to take care of a drunk? Might as well I drive home blindfolded.

Remember last time I one person drink 2 jugs of beer with my campmate. That time even worse loh. End up still send my friend home somemore. That time I was 3/4 gone already.

People scared I will "lang ga" on my way home, but I'm pretty sure I can take it. I'm not even to half my limit. Limbei still can take more baby haha! Come to papa you Tiger!

Actually I'm more scared to be caught by TP then crash on my way home. But I'm very sure to make it home safely loh. I've lived at my house area for 20 years liao. Even when the TP go take a piss I also know. I meet up with them for coffee one ok?! whahaha.

I can already foresee if I'm on my way home, I would shout out vagularites to any passing cars around me. Really! Its a good way to release stress. Whats more they can't even hear you!

Imagine on the expressway, a Nissan Cefiro passes by,

Me: "Ninabei Cefiro driver, Nissan motherfucker, go fuck your exhast pipe la!"
Cefiro Driver: "......."
Me: "Act blur ah? Cefiro big one izzt?! I show you something even bigger!"
Show middle finger and horn a few times.
Cefiro Driver: "yawn...zzz"
Me: "Nothing to say izzt? Mouth got cock, cannot talk?!"
Cefiro Driver starts to notice me...
Me: "Let you off this time man! Dun let me see you on the streets again you 'Si Fei Lou'(Big fat guy)"

Get to scold people, and they dun have the balls to talk back haha! Whats more, get a friend to join you. 2 people equals double the fun!

Last time when I was sending my friend hay home, we all were scolding all the innocent drivers on the street! Felt so shiok after that. I know the innocent drivers would also feel good, if they only knew they released stress for us.

Just now my good kaki forced me to stay put one. Or else I sure go home. Although I was unwilling but I know its for my own good. Thanks kaki, for ur concern. You're really a nice gal.

Apart from getting drunk today, I also mastered the "Art of BBQ chicken wings". I can't believe that I can produce such wonderful chicken wings. From BBQing charred wings and hot dogs, I slowly gained the experience to "peng" wonderful tasty sweet and juicy chicken wings from heaven. Alleluyah.

Not to worry about the starving kids in africa, we all gathered up all the overcooked food for one of our trusty friend who eats anything. Anything which dun look up to standard we will throw to the "Darren" plate. He will take it from there. And sorry, there will be no bones left for your dogs.

Still got 2 1/2 hours to go before i can go home.

I'm scared to death

2005-09-02T01:10:00.000+08:00

Recalling my torn broken, aching heart of these long days.
And all the memories I wanted, to forget for making leaps.
Recalling, breaking, aching, crying, making sure to me.
And I take all and grin at my future on the way.

Sorrow is what I hate, But it's grown my sensations.
Regrets taught me how, To make any hard decisions.
Peace is always by my side, But I never felt it once.
Love is not the word, Only for a sweet romance.

13th Squeeze Breast Gang

2005-08-26T05:09:00.000+08:00

Last time I used to join gangs. Just for fun.

Now I think back, so stupid. Should have joined 13th Squeeze Breast Gang instead.

Wish For A Shooting Star

2005-08-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

Do you dream? What have you wished for when you were little? Do you still remember what you wish for?

When I was little boy, I was fascinated with shooting stars. I always wanted to see one in real life, after seeing them on TV.

But the closest encounter I ever had with it was 2 years ago.

I was serving my NS. I went into the Navy as a training spec. "Join The Navy, See The World." So they said. But to me its more like "Join The Navy, Fuck The World."

Its true! Every single little kid, boy, man, uncle, gay, old man, singh(ba-yee) and ah gua had sex overseas when out on exercises or visiting other countries. If you wanna listen to sex experiences, listen to someone from the Navy. Tall, short, black, white, fat, thin all also have.

Back to the main topic; The closest encounter I ever had with a shooting star was when I went fishing with a group of my Navy friends. We went to Raffles Marina, and fished by the jetty.

Its was a dark evening. The skies dim, the winds cold, the stars bright. Very comfortable. My other friends who's not fishing were sitting at the bench behind me. It wasn't before long I started to fall into slack mode. From standing, to squatting, to sitting and then to lying on the floor.

As I lie there waiting patiently for my "Stupid fish" to get hooked, I gazed dreamingly into the star-bright night. Thats when it happened.

Out of nowhere, a bright red object flew across the skies in an instance. So bright it lit up the skies around it. Trailing behind it was a long tail of smoke and light. It came into my sight and vanished in less then 2 seconds. Too fast for me to react. I just did what came into my mind that very moment.

I jumped up as fast as I can. Clenched my fist as hard as I can. Turned around and faced my friends. One look at one of my friend's face and I said this.

Me: "CHEEBYE LAH XIAO MEI!!! YOUR CIGARETTE CAN DUN ANYHOW THROW LIKE THAT ANOT!?"
(I show my middle finger to her.)
Xiao Mei: "Dun worry lah I aim very sui sui one."
Me: "Ninabeh if you hit my face how!? You better cut off your backside skin to let me paste my face!!"
Xiao Mei: "Good loh. Next time all the people who kiss you can kiss my ass."
(She continues talking with her friends like nothing happened)

She's just ruined a little boy's dream.

I'm a Dickhead

2005-08-24T14:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really get pissed at people who asks stupid questions, do stupid things, or tell stupid answers. Someone should give them special signs, with " I'm a Dickhead", on them. This way, whenever I see someone wearing the sign, I can steer clear of them.

That would make life really easier. From a mile away I would spot them and avoid them like avoiding shit.

"Dickhead 500m, 9 O'clock, retreat retreat!"

But some dickheads will go to great lengths to conceal their true identity. You will need to stay alert at all times and try to talk your way out if you do meet them.

"Hi buddy, could you tell me how to get to the..... oops! Sorry dude I didn't see your sign! I suddenly remembered that my house is on fire. Can't talk. Bye!"

See how that works? Imagine what will happen without that sign.

Innocent lost person: "Errmm, excuse me, could you direct me to....."
Dickhead: "Cheebye...."
Innocent lost person: "Huh? Pardon me??"
Dickhead: "I said Cheebye. As in Chaocheebye. Like in go fuck your mother Phuacheebye."
Innocent lost person: "Relax brother. I didn't know you are a dickhead. My bad."

Run if you see one.

God of Pool

2005-08-18T12:25:00.000+08:00

Been playing pool alot lately. It helps to get a load off my mind.

In fact, I have been playing so much that until one point, people started calling me the "God of Pool".

That's cool. Imagine... God of Pool.

With one wave of my magic cue I would send all the balls flying into the pockets. Ability to change direction of my cue ball anytime. Homing balls which always falls right into the pocket regardless of any angle/strength is was hit. That would be fun.

There is one thing that I only managed to realized after playing the game for so long. Pool tables must be made by males. If a woman had designed and manifactured it, us guys won't be able to get our balls in, no matter how hard you tried. But on the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick always stays out. Enough said. Pool tables are made by males.

Some women don't understand why men like playing balls on a table. Although some women actually likes that, there are few that are any good. Pool is a simple game to play, but a tough game to master.

If you wanna play pool, you gotta treat the table well. You gotta treat it with tender loving care, sayang it, rub your hands across its woody shaft lovingly and ocasionally put your hands down its pocket and tickle it's balls. Once you've done that, you can achieve greater heights of playing pool.

But another way to achieve the same results is this.

Everyone should play pool.

Nabei is online.

2005-08-18T12:09:00.000+08:00

Recently see alot of people blog, so i also follow.
Thus, Nabei.com is online.